I received an email today from a new subscriber to my newsletter. This mom was describing some challenges that her 6-year-old kindergartner was having at school, namely he’s having a really hard time paying attention and staying on task at school.
She could have easily been describing a child of any age, including the older kids I see in my coaching practice. They are also struggling with focus. They might also experience challenges with time management, planning, organization, and self-monitoring.
She was looking for some support.
Where to Start?
My first and best advice to parents (and teachers) of children who struggle with Executive Function is to start by getting curious.
When we see challenging behavior from a child, get curious. This reframing of the behavior can give us a different mindset about it. Asking a question that begins with, “What if,” is a good place to start.
For example, “What if my child is having trouble staying on task at school because they are struggling with remembering what to do?”
Or, “What if my child is having trouble staying on task at school because they are struggling with impulse control?”
Once we start getting curious, we often discover a skill that is missing, or lagging.
The good news?
Skills can be taught.
What to Do Next
Though the strategies to support kids with Executive Function could fill an entire book, let’s look at some general themes that help support brains.
I come back to these same six themes with clients over and over again - so much that I’ve started calling them my six pillars for Executive Function success. Any tip or strategy that I teach falls under one of these six pillars, and these pillars help with all Executive Function skills.
Consider these pillars the umbrella under which all strategies sit.
Here are my six Pillars for Executive Function success.
Pillar #1: Baby Steps
The first pillar for success is baby steps.
When it comes to improving Executive Function, we must remember that progress is made little by little. This process is not fast. There is no magic wand (though sometimes I wish there were).
Take the time.
Be patient, but also be persistent.
Be gentle with yourself and your student while trying to “get their brain on board.” Progress is measured in baby steps. And progress fuels progress, which leads to the next pillar.
Pillar #2: Something is Always Better Than Nothing
The next pillar for success is that something is always better than nothing.
We can build upon something - and repetition creates new neural pathways in our brains. But we can't build on nothing.
This is another way of thinking of baby steps.
Does your student have a big project to complete? Something is always better than nothing, even if that something is tiny. Approach big, scary, overwhelming, unclear tasks with something rather than nothing.
Pillar #3: Make the Invisible Visible
Another pillar for success is to make the invisible visible.
There's so much about a child’s life that is invisible - expectations are invisible; time is invisible; chores and assignments are invisible. One of the keys to being successful at Executive Function is to - whenever possible - make the invisible visible. One of my former middle school clients called this “keeping stuff in your face.” He’s right. We do what is in front of us.
One simple example of this making the invisible visible is my family’s whiteboards in our kitchen. Each of the four people who live in our home has a section. This is for the things that we need to remember. My husband and I write items on there that we must remember that day - or maybe the next. Keeping them “in our faces” helps us remember.
My children are currently 13 and 16, and their whiteboard is for the small list of things that are expected when they get home from school. These are things like:
unload your backpack,
have a snack,
practice piano and
complete a simple chore.
These are our expectations each day after school, but they are easily forgotten. Their whiteboard includes a place for them, so they are no longer invisible.
Here’s another example.
There’s a teacher I know who has a whiteboard outside of her classroom that includes the materials needed for the day. It might say:
ipad,
pencil,
folder.
Before students even walk in the door, they can see what they need for class. And they might even have a little time to run back to their locker to grab something they’ve forgotten.
Finally, another way to make the invisible visible is to use visual language. This helps to build up a child’s metacognition.
You could say, “Imagine what your room should look like when it’s clean” or “make a mental movie of what it looks like to get started.” The visual language here is the word “imagine” and the phrase “make a mental movie.”
Better yet, take an actual photograph of a clean room to use as reference!
Pillar #4: Structure, Routine, Consistency
Another general theme for Executive Function success is structure, routine and consistency.
These help brains know what to expect. Consistency - regular structure, regular routine - decreases the need for prefrontal energy to be spent on navigating novelty. When there’s something brand new, our brains have to work pretty hard to figure it out. A brain that already struggles in this area has to work especially hard.
Structure, routine and consistency are really important, so that the brain doesn’t have to work so hard.
It is not always easy (or fast) to create routine, but remember: something is better than nothing.
Pillar #5: Everything Needs a Home
The next pillar for success is related to organization: everything needs a home.
Everything needs one predictable place where it lives, so that we don’t need to spend so much energy looking for things. This is easier said than done, of course.
Start with the most annoying thing, and see if you can give it a home.
Once that home exists, please do not put the thing away for your child. Yes, everything needs a home, but their brain needs to put the item in its home over and over and over again, so it becomes routine.
Here’s an example.
Perhaps your child must charge their iPad before they go to bed so it’s ready for the next day of school. Let’s say that you notice it's not charging. Instead of doing it for them, the better idea is to say,” Hmmm, I noticed your iPad in a weird place.”
And then pause.
This is a way to share the mental load with your student and give them an opportunity to be successful.
Pillar #6: Be Kind to Future You
The final pillar is what I call being kind to future you.
I learned this phrase from Marydee Sklar, creator of the Seeing My Time curriculum. Whenever possible, I encourage kids (and parents) to take a pause and ask , “What can I do now that would make life easier later?”
Perhaps it’s, “I'm not going to put my keys down in that strange place because I’ll never find them again.”
Or it could be, “I'm going to chop these vegetables at breakfast time so they're ready for dinner later.”
But it also could be, “I see that tonight is going to be really busy. I've got soccer and then I have a dentist appointment and then we have our family dinner. So I’m going to work on that homework assignment during my free period today.”
Thinking about “future me” is a metacognitive skill. It takes self-awareness and requires us to pause.
The magic is in the pause.
One Final Thought
Nothing happens fast.
Progress is truly measured in baby steps.
But something is always better than nothing.
I encourage you to get curious and keep these six pillars in mind when approaching your child’s challenges. I’ve even created a PDF for you to print, if you’d like.
